A Letter to My First Born: I’ll Love You Forever

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“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” Silas Randall you will always be my baby, but that’s why this is oh so hard to write. In 6 short weeks you will no longer be the baby of the family. In fact, we are already trying to get you accustomed to you no longer be the baby right now. It’s so hard for me to put one chapter of my life to rest and move onto the next, but I know that the Lord has so many blessings in store for us and that we must trust Him.

I’m afraid of so many things. I am afraid I will no longer have time to wait on you hand and foot. While most would think this might be a good thing, I don’t really because you are my baby and I have loved being with you to serve you every moment of every day since you were 10 months old. I love hearing you call out “momma” every morning and seeing your sweet smile when I come get you out of bed. I love hearing you ask for “cereal, and juice, and milk” and being able to sit with you and share a bowl of cereal while we play with your cars. I love cuddling with you in my chair while we read books or watch shows. I love being able to read to you before naps and still (yes, still) rocking you and singing to you until you fall asleep. I love our after nap snuggles and playtime. I love teaching you and seeing your eyes light up when you learn something.

There are so many things that I love about all the time I have been able to have with my baby boy. I am even so eternally grateful for the extra time I have gotten to have alone with you the past few months. I will never understand why God allowed us to miscarry, but I like to think one of the reasons He allowed it to happen was that He knew I needed more time with my first baby boy and that maybe I wasn’t quite as ready as I thought I was to give that up.

Silas you have taught me how to love in ways I never knew I was capable of loving. You have taught me how to be selfless and to put another’s wants and needs completely before my own. You have helped me to understand God’s love for His children through my relationship with you. A child’s love is one of the greatest gifts we could ever receive from the Lord. They love fully and without thought. I am so blessed and overcome with joy that God chose me to be your momma.

Watching you grow, learn, and change every day has been such a wonderful gift. You are growing way too fast for your own good, but I’m so excited that you’re tall enough to ride the SDC rides now and I can’t wait to do that with you this Spring. You love to learn, and I love to watch you learn new things every day. You have the sweetest little soul and I hope and pray you stay that way forever. You definitely can be ornery at times, but your sweetness makes up for it.

Deciding to be a mom was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It has made me happier than I ever thought possible, even though it has definitely been challenging at times. As we enter into this new stage of life and add another sweet baby boy to our family, just know Silas Randall, that you will always be my first; you will always be the one that taught me and showed me how to be a mom. You will always be the one that gave me one of the greatest gifts I have ever had the joy of receiving: motherhood.

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One thought on “A Letter to My First Born: I’ll Love You Forever

  1. You gave me chills. You are such an awesome mom and can express on paper how most of us feel but we aren’t as gifted as you in writing about it. I love hearing your stories. Love you all. Can’t wait to meet the new little Shumaker. Hugs and kisses.

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